I am the mother of teenagers.

Really, I am.  I knew it was coming and thought having already raised one child, I could handle it.  I can, but Emily and Sarah are each completely different types of teens from Hannah and each other. 

Hannah was kind of steady and really pretty easy.  She wasn't boy crazy or too dramatic.  I think I have both of those things now between Emily and Sarah.

Emily is loud and opinionated.  And she likes boys.  If she could crawl out of the window there is no doubt she would be the child we bolted windows and doors for.  As it is, she looks at those boys and smiles her sweet Emily smile.  She's completely in love with Bobby Flay (Iron Chef), which I get.  I love Rick Castle.  I think it's perfectly fine to have a TV crush.  She is so funny when she watches Iron Chef because she knows who it going to win, having watched it a million times.  She still jumps and gets so excited when they say his name.  He's a lucky man to have a fan in her. 

Lately she is ALL OVER me about the radio.  She only wants it on one station.  Luckily it's the one Jeff works for.  Every day she gets in the car and yells at me until she's sure it's on the right place on the dial.  She even makes me listen to commercials.  It really is funny, and slightly annoying as any teenager worth her mettle should be. 

She uses a communication device to speak and write, and recently got a new keyboard added so it can save data and interface with  a PC.  The keyboard that she uses for that function doesn't include word prediction or backspace keys.  I keep trying to explain that she only needs to use it for computer classwork, but the little stinker yells at me and goes right back to using the wrong keyboard.  She won't listen.  I put the correct one up and five minutes later I walk by to see she's taken it down, and put the other one up.  I love this independent streak she has going on, but it's also a challenge.  Teenager. 

Sarah is another one.  Only 13 and still generally sweet, she's just beginning to become a challenge.  Picture day is tomorrow, and she and her friends decided today they would all wear dresses, so of course, she has nothing to wear.  "Will you please, please, please take me shopping tonight at 7:00pm and then straighten my very long, Rapunzel like hair when we get home because I'm absolutely certain you have nothing else to do?" 

It's possible I added a few of my own words to that quote, but you get the point.  I know I could have easily said no, but honestly, such a deliciously normal problem is impossible to resist after all I've been through.  So, I went because I forgot I was dealing with a teenager.  She tried on 5 dresses (4 were my idea, so easily ruled out).  She didn't like any of them and decided she was wearing jeans, which led to the hunt for a new top.  After trying on at least 10 and trying unsuccessfully to talk me into going to another store, she decided she was taking the original dress, and adamantly denied declaring only moments earlier that she wouldn't wear any dress.  Teenagers. 

These are just small examples of my life now.  I can't express the exhaustion or joy in everyday, normal, humdrum issues.  It is a blessing to be this kind of tired, and to have teenagers.  Even when they drive me nuts. 

Catching up

Whew!  Time flies whether you're having fun or not. 

Emily first.  She's doing great overall.  I've been very, very busy with her, but not in a bad way.  She started school (1/2 days) in a school she's not zoned for, so I am busy taking her to and from school.  It's a huge change from being home a lot to running around all the time.  I'm finding that I need to organize my time better to fit everything in, which explains the lack of time at the keyboard.  I'm not sure how in love I am with high school, but I'm trying to give it a fair shot. 

She had an upper GI last week because she drains out a yucky mix of formula and other nasty stomachy things from her tube all the time.  She also consistently has blood in her belly from what we assume is the tube irritating it.  Her blood counts are fine, so we know it isn't serious.  We are waiting to hear when we can replace the tube.  She's scheduled for a dental October3, which isn't a big deal, but we don't want her to go under anesthesia twice too close together.  The upper GI showed the SMA syndrome resolving which is a huge blessing, but she's not quite ready to be done with the J-tube yet.  After we replace this one, we shouldn't have to do it again.  This should last about 6 months and she'll be done with it by then!  YAY!! 

Hannah and Sarah are both fine.  Sarah is doing awesome in band and as an 8th grader.  Hannah is trying to figure out what to major in.  She's two years into college and still not quite sure.  She's working on it though.  Having a 20 year old is hard in a completely different way :/

We just passed a year without our Abby girl in our arms.  I wanted to write about it, but just couldn't.  It is simply so, so sad.  My heart broke.  I think I felt everything I would have a year ago if I hadn't been so numb and sleep deprived.  When she actually died, having her was still so fresh in my mind and even my body.  I held her for so many hours last summer, that when she died it almost felt like I just put her down for a minute.  The longing to hold her and see her smile hadn't yet seeped in to my soul.  A year without holding my child is almost unbearable.  I miss so many things about her.  I have her clothes in a plastic bag without the air in it.  I just want to smell her and remember what it felt like to have her.  I miss that little girl.  Every day is another day away from her and another day towards her. 

That's my catch up for now.  Hopefully, my schedule will get in line and I will organize myself a little!  How's this time of year for you?