Not so fast

Emily had a much better day yesterday.  I was so relieved that her fever seemed to stay down, and though her cough still sounded bad, I felt a little better about her. 

I took her to the Dr. just to be sure she was on the up swing.  The Dr. said she had bronchitis and gave us an antibiotic.  Emily came home and ate dinner and really seemed okay.  I even considered sending her to school today.  I had a little unease about that because she had been pretty sick on Wednesday. 

Abby had an appointment for wheelchair repairs that I couldn't miss today, so I decided to find a sitter for Em.  Luckily, Jeff's aunt was available.  Just as I was feeling like I had it together, uh, not so fast.

All of the sudden, like a train hitting, her color changed.  She started coughing non-stop.  She was gagging horribly and her fever jump to 102 out of nowhere.  It was like that great day never even happened.  She was breathing fast and grunting to get the breath back out.  I held her, turned the humidifier on high, rubbed her chest with my favorite Tai fu oil (THE best stuff) and wondered if I should just take her to the hospital.  Then she would cough so bad that she seemed to have trouble taking her next breath and made me wonder if she needed an ambulance.  She'd manage to pull that breath, then do alright for for a few minutes before it started again.

Then she settled down for an hour in my arms.  All night she cycled through horrible gagging, then seemingly never ending coughing spells.   Motrin brought down the fever, Zofran helped not at all  with the nausea.  I couldn't give her anything for the congestion because it's contraindicated with her seizure med.  She did have a pretty good sized seizure after we left the Dr.'s office---that should have tipped me off, but it didn't. 

I was up all night holding her.  Her cough loosened up as the night wore on, but that just gave it an awful croupy sound.  The nausea was out of control.  I'm going to call the dr back about that.  I wonder if the antibiotic set off the tummy. 

I have a horrible headache today, it's raining, Abby still has an appointment, and Emily is finally asleep at 8:13am.  I'm sucking down coffee, taking Motrin, and praying this day gets better!   

Today is one of those days when I will need what I just don't have.  Lord, fill in the gap and help me to do what I need to for my girls today.  Amen!  (sometimes short and sweet is just fine :)

Emily

Quick post, just because I'm trying to keep up with my own life :)

Emily ran 102 fever all day.  The poor little thing coughed until she was nauseous, but she rested in her recliner and watched TV as predicted. I think I managed to keep enough fluids in her, but time will tell.  I made her a Dr. appt for tomorrow, so hopefully we won't be sent to the hospital.  Every time we go there, they send us to the hospital.  That's the problem with typical pediatricians.  My girls will always be the most complicated kids they see.  Our old critical care guys see a lot worse every day, so usually my girls are fine to stay home. 

I've always known we were blessed with that set-up.

Sarah came home from school and asked about Em.  I told her what her fever was, and poor Sarah just got a stricken look on her face and then said  "how soon before she goes in the hospital?"  I felt so bad. I hate that she automatically thinks what I automatically think.  We're both right, but seeing her little face that hasn't quite yet learned to grin and bear it made me sad.  I keep thinking of Romans 3:3-5.  That sweet girl is going to have tons of character!

Abby's hanging in there, thank you God!  I have my in-law's on stand-by in case Emily needs more than I can do, so I guess we're as ready as we can be. 

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.  Romans 5:3-5 (niv)

Cold

I'm sitting in my room watching Dancing With the Stars listening to Emily on the monitor as she coughs repeatedly. 

I know we're in a new area and that the girls would get exposed to all the germy's that live here.  I thought I was prepared for it, but ahhhhh maaaaaannnn!  She has a tight cough and is running a little fever (100.8).  I'm whining.  I'm not particularly worried, but I just don't want another sick child.  Even for a few days.  She probably can't go to school tomorrow so I'll have them both home.  Ewwww. 

I was just thinking about how much I need a break today.  Jeff's aunt said she could come by one day this week to help out with Abby.  I wondered what I should do with a few hours.  Should I nap?  Should I clean uninterrupted?  Run errands?  Do nothing?

Oh, I know!  Take Emily to the Dr.  Typing that makes me laugh.  Honestly, Emily is easy sick.  She rests and relaxes, and if she manages to stay out of the hospital it's not so hard. 

Abby's been much better the last few days.  No crying and fussing, but horrible nausea today.  She had that awful icky color to her skin.  No fever though.  I didn't run her feeding last night because she was so sick, but I got the whole thing in her today.  No matter what else is going on, without the crying, I'm alright!

So here we go again.  Short, easy cold or yucky hospital stay?  I vote for short and easy :)

ups and downs

I literally have 4 posts in the "draft" phase from the last 2 weeks.  I start writing in the morning and by night time it's not true anymore.  Some days are good--one post is even about 2 really good days in a row for Abby.  In one she actually drank 6 ounces of juice over the course of a single day.  I was so excited about it, but the post was about being afraid to hope sometimes because the let down can be so hard to take.  Before I published, she was up that night for 3 hours with belly pain and gagging. 

I have had some of the best days we've had since this mess started and then I've had TERRIBLE days with Abby.  She ran a fever on and off all week last week.  Some days it was 101.5, other days below 100.  I've been a nervous wreck.  I took her to the doctor 10 days ago for being very irritable and fussy.  The pediatrician didn't like the way the line site looked, so she sent us to the hospital.  We spent 7 hours in the ER waiting to see the surgeon who decided the line was fine, but they drew blood cultures anyway.  We barely made it out of the hospital that night because her white count was 7.0 and the irritability made them concerned she had something brewing.  A count of 7 is HUGE for Abby.  In the end, I agreed to come back if anything changed and if the cultures showed anything. 

She fussed and cried all day Friday and Saturday which is about to make me lose my mind.  I can't take all this crying.  The hard work, the worry, the struggles, the exhaustion...all of it....I can handle, but not when she's screaming at me like some-one's killing her.  It's part CP, part Abby, part just plain old temper that makes her do that.  The part I don't know about that scares me is wondering if something else is wrong.  And of course...the fever!  Just when I was about to take her back to the hospital, it was down today, and she was nice all day. 

It's been tough and I'm not going to lie, I'm tired.  I'm trying to find a place in all of this that feels comfortable and normal to me.  I honestly don't know where that is.  Even now as I'm typing my cat keeps attacking my hands.  Apparently absolutely nothing is easy. 

One thing I did realize this weekend was that I hadn't opened my bible in a while.  I was really struggling with the Emily and Abby screaming and began to pray.  I was feeling very much alone and wondering where God is in those terrible moments when I want to give up.  I was suddenly aware how little time I'd spent with Him lately.  I'm reading mindless books, watching silly TV and hoping that God would just fill that gap for me.  He meets me where I am, but He also needs me to look up from what I'm doing and take what He offers.  I opened my bible this morning and instantly felt peaceful.  I read about the faithfulness of God as we are faithful to Him. 

I have to stop now or my there will be nothing left of my hands, thanks to the kitty.  As usual, we are taking this life of ours day by day. 

A few highlights from the last few weeks:

Chocolate Cheesecake pop at the Lexington BBQ festival (GOTTA Love NC~!)

I have more, but they won't load.  So I'm going with it--hopefully I'll have time for a picture post soon. 

Please pray for Abby when you think of her.  Pray she stays calm, happy, and feels well--and NO fever.