Since I am trying to write daily, just for one month I am acutely aware of the reason I do not write daily. I'm living Ground Hog day. It's basically the same over and over.
I wanted to do this for me. I thought if I could look at my life day by day, I would understand more about myself and what I'm filling my life with. It turns out it's mostly laundry. Boring, huh?
Emily and Sarah went back to school, and I gave Abby a shower this morning. She absolutely hates the shower. I don't know why, and I don't know how to make it any better for her. We've struggled with this for most of her life. She has never liked it. We do it because we have to, but none of us look forward to it.
As usual, she started screaming her head off the minute she realized what was up. My only goal was to not get horribly frustrated with her. I prayed, then stuffed my ears with toilet paper and calmly gave her a shower. It turns out that without being able to hear her quite so loudly, I stayed very calm. I didn't speak to her or try to talk her out of a fit, I just let her go and did what I needed to do. Without me to trying to reason with a howler monkey (aka: Abby), she just stopped. She gave up the fight in the middle of the shower. Who knew?
I changed the dressing on the Broviac which looked remarkably good, and then she and I went on to have an uneventful day.
She is complaining of hip pain lately. I guess she needs an x-ray, but I don't want to deal with an ortho doctor right now. Kids with CP often have hip problems. We have been blessed to not have major issues there, but that doesn't mean it won't happen. If she keeps complaining, I'll have to do something. Obviously, I'm hoping she doesn't keep complaining.
That's pretty much my ground hog day. Tomorrow I will have more laundry to do. Abby will be taken care of. The girls will go to school, and like every other day I will do all I can to trust God in a situation that makes no sense to me.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Baby tooth
It was a baby tooth. Thank God.
They pulled it and thank you Jesus that's one thing that won't be a problem. I am so relieved. I really thought that was a permanent tooth, but it wasn't.
Okay, now to move forward with my day :)
They pulled it and thank you Jesus that's one thing that won't be a problem. I am so relieved. I really thought that was a permanent tooth, but it wasn't.
Okay, now to move forward with my day :)
Monday, January 2, 2012
Crazy
aka: Abby.
That's what the kid has been today. Crazy.
I have no idea what in the world is going on in that little girls brain, but oh my gosh. I am ready to tie myself to some railroad tracks. It has to be quieter than this house.
She has fussed and cried all day over everything. It's time to eat. Abby cries. Let's work on taking Christmas down. Abby cries. Let's do laundry. Abby cries. Let's just sit in the chair and rock a while. Abby cries.
I am not a saint and all this crying is driving me crazy. Admittedly, it's not a very long drive. I end of feeling terrible because I want to feel sorry for her. I am concerned some thing's wrong with her, but at the end of the day I mostly feel frustrated. There are no nice words for days like this. I don't feel good about any of it.
Day's like today make me wonder where God is more than any other day. I understand that people get sick. I understand that bad things happen. I don't understand this screaming child. Why doesn't He help her? Why doesn't He help me help her?
As I was writing the last paragraph, I stopped to check on her (crying again). Her entire pacifier was stuck in her mouth. I pulled it out, but there was blood in her mouth. When we looked closely we noticed her tooth was cracked. I called the Emergency room, but all they could do was treat for pain. I gave her the max dose of Motrin and a little ativan and thankfully she fell asleep. I'll have to find a dentist tomorrow.
Ugh! All the frustration I felt from having a fussy child all day transferred to frustration over yet another problem to deal with. I definitely feel bad for Abby. On top of feeling bad all day, she's hurt now. The poor girl just can't catch a break.
I'm going to bed needing a better day tomorrow. I was trying to commit to blogging every day in January. If I was in my normal pattern, this day would have been a line or two in a post. I wanted to keep it real, so there it is. We'll see if writing every day is a good thing or not :/
That's what the kid has been today. Crazy.
I have no idea what in the world is going on in that little girls brain, but oh my gosh. I am ready to tie myself to some railroad tracks. It has to be quieter than this house.
She has fussed and cried all day over everything. It's time to eat. Abby cries. Let's work on taking Christmas down. Abby cries. Let's do laundry. Abby cries. Let's just sit in the chair and rock a while. Abby cries.
I am not a saint and all this crying is driving me crazy. Admittedly, it's not a very long drive. I end of feeling terrible because I want to feel sorry for her. I am concerned some thing's wrong with her, but at the end of the day I mostly feel frustrated. There are no nice words for days like this. I don't feel good about any of it.
Day's like today make me wonder where God is more than any other day. I understand that people get sick. I understand that bad things happen. I don't understand this screaming child. Why doesn't He help her? Why doesn't He help me help her?
As I was writing the last paragraph, I stopped to check on her (crying again). Her entire pacifier was stuck in her mouth. I pulled it out, but there was blood in her mouth. When we looked closely we noticed her tooth was cracked. I called the Emergency room, but all they could do was treat for pain. I gave her the max dose of Motrin and a little ativan and thankfully she fell asleep. I'll have to find a dentist tomorrow.
Ugh! All the frustration I felt from having a fussy child all day transferred to frustration over yet another problem to deal with. I definitely feel bad for Abby. On top of feeling bad all day, she's hurt now. The poor girl just can't catch a break.
I'm going to bed needing a better day tomorrow. I was trying to commit to blogging every day in January. If I was in my normal pattern, this day would have been a line or two in a post. I wanted to keep it real, so there it is. We'll see if writing every day is a good thing or not :/
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2012
Finally. We made it into a new year. I'm not even a little bit sorry to say good bye to 2011.
Difficult would be a kind word for our year. Even though we carry all that happened last year to the new year with us, I am optimistic. I hope Abby would be able to return to school soon. A few mornings a week would be great! She doesn't have much energy, so I don't expect a lot. We are only 6 weeks away from her being out of school for an entire year. :(
I had a wonderful visit with my Florida BFF and her family. It was great to spend the week after Christmas with her. I needed it. The girls did great and we had some fun! Abby still struggles with too much activity, but we were able to take her out a few days.
We went bowling one day, which was a little sad for me. It's Abby's favorite thing to do and she was so excited to go. She didn't really have the energy to do what she normally does. She usually walks in her walker and throws her little hand up to push the ball, but she couldn't do it. She stayed in her wheelchair, quietly taking her turn and watching others take theirs. I ached for another loss in her life. But even as I wished for her to be the way she was, I felt gratefulness.
I was so thankful for every day I didn't feel like loading the walker in to the car, but did anyway. I was thankful for each time the girls wanted to go bowling and I was way too tired, but I did it anyway. I looked at her so tiny and pale last week and was so thankful that we had given her what we could when she was able.
Life is unpredictable. Never in a million years could I have imagined what our life is now. We lived each day. Not because we were fearful of missing something, but simply because this is life and living is what we do with it. It helps to have lived it as fully as possible. Even though I'm sad that it's not the same, when she could do it, I didn't miss one single step in a bowling ally (profound---right? lol).
So that's the attitude I hope I'm carrying in to 2012. I will do all that I can, as much as I can and be grateful for what is. I am going to try very hard to not feel so sad for what's gone and embrace what is. We made it. All six of us lived through the whole year. I honestly wasn't sure that would be the case. Now we can look forward to a better year. No matter what it holds, at least we are all together.
God is good and I can't wait to see where He leads our family this year.
Difficult would be a kind word for our year. Even though we carry all that happened last year to the new year with us, I am optimistic. I hope Abby would be able to return to school soon. A few mornings a week would be great! She doesn't have much energy, so I don't expect a lot. We are only 6 weeks away from her being out of school for an entire year. :(
I had a wonderful visit with my Florida BFF and her family. It was great to spend the week after Christmas with her. I needed it. The girls did great and we had some fun! Abby still struggles with too much activity, but we were able to take her out a few days.
We went bowling one day, which was a little sad for me. It's Abby's favorite thing to do and she was so excited to go. She didn't really have the energy to do what she normally does. She usually walks in her walker and throws her little hand up to push the ball, but she couldn't do it. She stayed in her wheelchair, quietly taking her turn and watching others take theirs. I ached for another loss in her life. But even as I wished for her to be the way she was, I felt gratefulness.
I was so thankful for every day I didn't feel like loading the walker in to the car, but did anyway. I was thankful for each time the girls wanted to go bowling and I was way too tired, but I did it anyway. I looked at her so tiny and pale last week and was so thankful that we had given her what we could when she was able.
Life is unpredictable. Never in a million years could I have imagined what our life is now. We lived each day. Not because we were fearful of missing something, but simply because this is life and living is what we do with it. It helps to have lived it as fully as possible. Even though I'm sad that it's not the same, when she could do it, I didn't miss one single step in a bowling ally (profound---right? lol).
So that's the attitude I hope I'm carrying in to 2012. I will do all that I can, as much as I can and be grateful for what is. I am going to try very hard to not feel so sad for what's gone and embrace what is. We made it. All six of us lived through the whole year. I honestly wasn't sure that would be the case. Now we can look forward to a better year. No matter what it holds, at least we are all together.
God is good and I can't wait to see where He leads our family this year.
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