Running

Hebrews 12:1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

About a year and a half ago, I started running.  I can't believe that I even wrote that sentence. 

My precious friend Lucy asked me to run with her years ago and when I tried it I thought I felt my lungs bleed.  It was not fun. So when I committed to a 5K a year and a half ago, I was surprised to find that I actually enjoyed the way it made me feel.  There is this really good tired when I'm done and the sweat that should just be gross actually feels good, almost cleansing.

I'm inconsistent, slow, tired, and struggle through almost every step.  Obviously it fits perfectly into my life.

There's something mentally freeing  about walking out the door and running away from it all.  Literally hitting the streets and just running.  An emptying occurs in that first mile out where all I can do is let all the stress and worry of the days drop along the road.  Imaginary littering of everything I'm feeling and my focus becomes my run.

It's equally cathartic as I turn back.  I make it to that half way point and begin to run back to this life.  It's as if in some small way I get to choose to come back to it all again.  It's harder on the way back.  I'm tired, achy, and not sure if I can make it, so my goal becomes home.  I think it's always good when your goal is home. 

The flaw of running for me is that I competitive and comparative.  People run past me and I want to look like her or be faster like him.  I wish I didn't breathe so hard.  I want to look around and run their race.  I tell  myself over and over to run my own race.  I can't run for them; they can't run for me.  Naturally that easily correlates to life.  Looking around, peeking in the window of another and thinking, Man, I wish that was my life...it looks so easy. 

As I was running yesterday, I had that strong urge to turn around; to look behind me and see what everyone else was up to.  Lot's wife turning back toward Sodom and Gomorrah popped in my head.  Wow, do I really need to go Old Testament when I can barely breathe?  Apparently, Yes!

I always thought the way Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt ( http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2019:1-29&version=NIV)  was sort of harsh. But really, she knew of the destruction going on behind her. God had actually sent angels to deliver her family to safety.  She had witnessed all the sin in that city and she was told not to turn around.  I think it's human nature to look back, and that's probably the point.  When God has instructed and equipped us for His purpose, our nature should become His will.

I still wonder if I would have looked back at my city being destroyed.  I'm only running down a little street and I want to look back.  I want to watch what's happening out there.  I look back at the life I had before disabilities came into our lives all the time.  I want to look longingly at other lives that look better to me than my own.

In the case of Lot's wife or me, there is absolutely no good reason for looking back. God specifically instructed every one of us to run the race He set before us.  The one He equipped me specifically for.  Why am I looking around?  Why am I wondering about what everyone else is doing?

I may not turn to a pillar of salt where I'm standing, but it's equally destructive to be turning around all the time.  It's discouraging in my physical run and in the life I'm running.  I have to set my eyes on the only goal that matters.  My God has set a course before me and I want to hear the words "well done" when it's all over.  When my eyes are where they belong, I will not look around and my mind will not stray.  I will finish MY race.

What about you?  Whose race are you running?