Random Stuff

Yay!  Finally, Christmas lights shine throughout our house.  That's a huge accomplishement--trust me!  It's my favorite time of year.  Now we even have the cold to go with the season.  It's much colder than I remembered and bundling kids into coats and wheelchairs isn't exactly easy, but it's sweet none-the-less.  I'm doing everything in my power to just enjoy this time and not worry, but that's not easy either.

My tree... I love blue!

 

~I took Abby for a gastric emptying study Thursday. Sounds fun, right? I've been dreading it for many reasons. First, she hasn't had anything on her belly for months now and this test required using the g-tube. Second, it's long. Four hours long. The first hour Abby had to lay flat under and x-ray machine relatively still. Then, she could get in her chair, and have x-rays every hour for the next 3 hours.

She was a trooper. It wasn't nearly as horrible as I expected. I think it will show what we already know--her belly doesn't work. We put 2 ounces in and it didn't seem to go anywhere fast. I couldn't tell for sure, but it seemed to change very slowly.

~She will be admitted to the hospital overnight December 14th for a specialized test that will show more about the way her intestines contract and food moves through. She will get a new g-j tube then and also have an endoscopy. We are really praying that we are able to understand what's going on with her enough to help her be more comfortable.

~She's been having a lot of belly pain lately.  I'm not sure why.  Her x-ray showed what it always shows.  "Moderately dilated bowel with no apparent obstruction."  It's very difficult to focus on the good things in life when she's so sick. 

Abby, feeling a little better one day :)

~We took the girls to the library today and then to dinner Saturday night.  It's the first time we've taken them out in a while.  We went to Golden Coral--before any of you throw up, it's Emily's favorite place to eat.  She is all about a buffet!  Abby used to love it too.  She kicked and got all excited when we told her we were going, but when we were there, she just seemed sick.  She acted like she wanted to eat, but couldn't even think about tasting food.  I still think it's sad.  I miss her eating with us. 

~The nutritionist we saw gave me information on  a blended diet for post-NISSEN, g-tube fed kids.  It was supposed to reduce nausea (in the study it did an average of 76%).  It's formula based with stage 2 baby foods, infant cereal and I added her pro-biotics.  It has to go in the stomach and not the j-tube, but I decided to try it.  I gave her 15cc (about 2 teaspoons) yesterday.  BIG mistake.  HUGE!  Oh my, that poor girl was sick as a dog.  I tried to pull it back out, but she gagged for almost an hour.  In the end, that 15cc meant she lost about 90cc of fluids.  Right now, that's a big deal for her. 

~I'm tired of talking about sick bellies.  I write it because I want to remember what we went through, and because people ask me about Abby a lot.  Every time I sit down at the computer, I wish there was something else to say, but there isn't.  This is what we do right now. 

~I've been trying to put into words what all of this has done to/taught me spiritually this year.  As I write, I find there are no words.  Every minute of the day is filled with different all consuming emotions.  Sometimes I am angry--just so angry that I have to wonder how long I will have with her.  Sometimes I am so sad and hurt for her, and for our family.  Most of the time I feel quiet--and if you know me, you know how different that is!  There are no adequate words for what I see everyday or the way that feels. 

~In January, they will be 14.  Fourteen years of laughing and loving--heartache and sorrow, fear and uncertainty; woven intricately into one beautifully terrifying fabric.  We are each wrapped in it, even clinging to it.  It's all we know.  

~I am learning to understand this journey of faith.  Trusting what I can not see this year has been process of daily (sometimes moment to moment) conscious decisions to believe.  In my heart of hearts I always do.  I just have to remember that we are not alone, and however the Lord chooses to lead, we will follow.