She Speaks

I had an amazing time at She Speaks!  I learned soo much and loved meeting the amazing women God brought together.  We serve a mighty God!  I realized that he wrote the 608 stories of the women that attended the conference.  He writes billions more everyday; He is present in every single one. I love the way He opens himself to each one of us uniquely.

It was exhausting though-- I suppose intense, information filled weekends usually are. 

Before I left for She Speaks, I prayed a prayer that I'm sure many of the women who attended the conference prayed.  I wanted God to give me some direction about what I should be doing now.  What do you want from me Lord?

On the last day of the conference, I spent some time in the prayer room.  It was a precious, quiet place that seemed to be filled with reverence for God.  I brought my bible and my open heart in and sat quietly as the Lord spoke scripture to my heart. I wrote down my experience, prayerfully grateful for His Word. 

After prayer, I made way to the last general session.  It was a wonderful time of worship, and then we had an opportunity to go to the cross to pray and pick up a verse. 

As I approached the front, I began to think of how painful it had been to walk the path of this life.  The feelings of grief as I held my girls and knew that I had lost so much; thoughts of all they had lost came flooding back. All of the sorrow and disappointment I had experienced rushed into my heart.  I began to think of how hurt my feelings had been that God had allowed my children and our family to go through so much. What I should have done was lay it all down at the cross and allow God to take it.  I didn't because the phrase "have you forgiven Him for that?" popped in my mind.

I prayed, took my verse (Romans 8:38-39) and then went back to my bible, confused by my thought of forgiving God.  I looked for a verse that would in any way support the possibility of forgiving God for hurting my feelings, even if it was necessary.  The only thing I could find was in Mark, where it says to forgive anyone you feel may have wronged you.

It still didn't sit quite right with me, so I asked my speaker eval leader, who directed to me to the biblically knowledgeable Wendy Blight who reminded me that forgiveness implies a wrong, and our sovereign God does not make mistakes.  Her sweet direction was so helpful.   

I thought about her words on my 9 hours drive home and realized that a few things were going on here:

• God had spoken to me in scripture that morning.  That was all I needed to hear.
• I was wayyyyyy to tired to be opening my mouth.  A little sleep cures a lot of confusion. 
• I knew there was something in my own thoughts that didn't ring with truth, and I asked.  If you are thinking something that doesn't seem right, ask questions.  The Holy Spirit in each of us is our guiding voice and it sits well with our soul.  When it doesn't, allow God to speak truth in to your life.
• This may be the most important thing the Lord was teaching me; I went to the bible to support my thought. Although we must test our thoughts to the word of God, I read a verse out of context and thought, mmmm, maybe that will do.  WRONG.  All of my thoughts should come from His word, not the other way around.  My life has to fit into the word of God; I can not squeeze the word of God in to my life.  This is a very important point in my life as any ministry from speaking to raising children has to begin as HIS thought. 

If I took one thing from the sessions, speakers, and sweet women I met it would be that I have to pour my life into Jesus and His word, anything else He calls me to do should be drawn from only His well.  My life, my story, anything I do or say holds absolutely no value apart from Him.

I adored the presence of the Lord, and the glow of Him in the women I met this weekend.  It blessed my heart to see Him so abundantly.

I am also thankful I have my family to come home to. We were told to love them tenderly when we got home, so off to love I go.