My Sick Child

Emily is sick.  Bless her precious heart.  I just can't stand it.  She has a fever, she's nauseated and coughing. 

I hate how afraid I feel the minute I realize somethings wrong with her.  Any other child would just have a cold, but for her, every illness is a potentially giant problem.

She had the flu when she was six years old (the real full-blown type A flu).  She ran a fever Dec. 26th, and went in to the hospital December 31.  She checked in as a healthy little girl who loved food and had an awesome zest for life.  She spent 28 days over the next 6 weeks in the hospital including an ICU stay, numerous procedures and a major surgery. 

At the end she had mitral valve prolapse caused by the virus, a G-tube, reflux surgery, finally weaned off oxygen, but was unable to eat by mouth.  She returned to school 4 months after she first got sick.  She's never been the same. 

I look back at pictures of that Christmas day all of those years ago and know that was the last moment she felt really good.  Her cheeks were full and her eyes bright.  She came home frail and small.  She lost 5 pounds (that's quite a bit for a 35 pound girl.) 

It took us a year of intensive work to get her eating by mouth again.  We still use the tube, but she eats meals with the family.  Over the last 7 years, we have painstakingly gotten 15 pounds on her.  She is a 50 pound almost teenager (2 days to the big 13).  Every single ounce is a struggle.  The kid eats...a lot!  Most people are stunned by the calories she consumes, but her tight muscles constantly burn calories and frequent nausea keeps it a challenge. 

In the course of writing this post her temp has gone up to 103.  She's thrown up Pedialyte twice and her Zofran (for nausea).  She tried to throw up her seizure meds, but I gave it with such little liquid she couldn't.  She just gagged and wretched for 20 minutes, but the meds stayed down.  Now she needs Motrin, really badly.  I can't put it on her sick stomach.  I gave a Phenergan (different nausea med).  Hopefully she'll soon be able to keep Motrin down, then some fluids.  If not, to the hospital we go. 

Every single time she gets sick I feel this awful panic rise up.  I am so afraid of losing her.  I know that some of my friends would say I shouldn't even say that, but it's true.  We've been through so much and I completely trust God with her, but I do not want to walk down that road.  I'm afraid of having a child in the hospital for months on end and wondering if and when it will be over. 

All I can do is pray, take care of my girl and trust that which ever way this goes, we'll work it out.  One good note is that she hasn't had any seizures that I'm aware of.  Sometimes kids have breakthrough seizures when they're sick.  So far so good, I'm thankful for that. 

Now, off to attempt Motrin.