Unchanging

Oh my goodness....talk of home is going on around here.  Yep, that's right.  People other than me are talking about us going home. 

She's still intermittently  struggling with feeds.  Today we had her up 55cc/hr.  Our goal was 65 this evening with 75 tomorrow.  She's still at 55 and I doubt we'll make 65 today.  She's still having a lot of residual (food that shouldn't still be there is there).  Her O2 sats tend to drop a bit and her heart rate increases, which I am beginning to recognize as a sign she's not tolerating her feeding.  We need to get up to 80, spend 24 hours with the TPN turned off, and just generally be ok.

We still have a few days to go, so maybe Saturday. 

I'm watching her like a hawk.  It is nerve racking as we are so close to leaving.  Anything that goes wrong delays our departure.  The good news is a delayed discharge at this point is probably just that.  A little delayed.  At the beginning the thought of staying here 4 days seemed like a long time.  At this point, another 3-4 days still falls in the "good" category. 

This has certainly been a difficult time.  I can't believe Abby was admitted Feb 17 for a stomach virus and here we are a month later.  That's life though.  It changes in an instant.  Not just for me, and not always bad.  Just changed.

I think we are created to move.  Everything around us evolves according to the works of His hands.  The planet swirls, the oceans never still, even our bodies are constantly in motion as cells change and blood circulates.  Maybe we are created in such constant motion simply to see that which doesn't move.  Perhaps our unchanging God allows us to move so far from where we would like to be because it is there that He waits for us.  In my life, resistance to the move from my own ideas and plans that I've held on to so tightly is where such heartache lives.  My encouragement and hope lies in what can not change.

I will stand in that hope if Abby goes home on Saturday or if she never does.  It can not change.  I grow tired and weary for sure.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed, and sometimes just plain flat-out a little bit crazy.  That's when I'm thankful that things change.  I am grateful that I don't have to stay in those hard places. 

Today is a new day!  I have this wonderful moment before it moves to be still and know He is God.  I can put my feet on the floor this morning and know that wherever my head rests tonight, the unchanging nature of his purpose can not move. 

A new day from our hospital room

"People swear by someone greater than themselves, and the oath confirms what is said and puts an end to all argument. ¹⁷ Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath. ¹⁸ God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged"  Hebrews 6:16-18 NIV