Twins??

Psalm 139:13-16 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

As many of you know, Hannah was 2 1/2 years old when Jeff and I got married.  This later became a very big deal for me for many reasons; but that's its own story for another day. 

She was a wonderful baby.  Other than wishing I had been married when she was born, we were extremely happy.  I loved being a mother.  When I saw Hannah for the first time, I had that "this is what I'm here for" moment.   Jeff and I were both in love with her.  She was a smart, funny, sweet little baby.  Everything I had always wanted.

When we got married, I knew I wanted more children right away.  I was young and healthy and had no reason to believe I would have any trouble having another.  We lived on the Eastern Shore of Maryland at the time.  For the next two years we tried, unsuccessfully, to have a baby.  We even tried Clomid, a fertility drug, with no luck.  

Though I wasn't walking very close to the Lord at the time, he already had my babies in his arms.  Had we been able to conceive the twins in Maryland, the closest medical center that could have cared for sick babies was in Baltimore.  If they even survived the journey, they would have been more than two hours away from us. 

Jeff eventually took a new job in Greensboro, NC in the spring of 97.  I started working at an OB/GYN office, Hannah was enrolled in a sweet little Montessori School.  We were really good.  We had just decided to put off having another baby until we were more settled in our new city when I found out I was pregnant.  I was thrilled.

Thrilled isn't really a good enough word for how happy I was.  This was it.  I finally had everything where I wanted it.  I was happily married, had a beautiful daughter, and now my new baby was coming.  It was perfect.  We began attending a little Baptist church and I would lay awake at night thinking of baby names.  Looking back, it was one of the sweetest times of our life together.  Everything just fit into place.

I did have awful morning, noon and night sickness.  I survived on flat sprite and cheerios.  It wasn't fun, but I managed to live with it.  This horrible sickness lasted well into my second trimester.  Whoever coined the term "morning" sickness was probably never pregnant. 

When I was about 10 weeks along, I started having cramping stomach pains.  I was terrified I was losing the baby.  I worked in and OB office, so I saw it all the time.  That was one of the few days I wasn't nauseated, so I thought for sure that was the problem.  I talked to the doctor, and she said to do a quick scan at lunch (one of the perks of working with your OB). 

I will never forget the face of the ultrasound tech.  She shook her head and I heard "Oh Andrea".  I thought, well that's it. I've lost the baby.  Just then the doctor walked in and looked at the screen and said "twins?".  My heart stopped for at least 3 beats.  TWINS?  Are you kidding me?  Then I started to laugh.  The pain I was having turned out to be growing pains.  Two healthy little hearts beat on that screen.  There they were.  My babies. 

I called Jeff; he almost fell out of his chair.  His boss saw his stunned expression and sent him home for the day.  What I already thought of as the most wonderful time in my life just doubled!  I felt so blessed and so in awe of life.  I felt special to be having two babies.

I thought that I had waited so long, and here was my reward.  I was not really in relationship with God at the time, and although His plans were in motion, I just thought everything would be wonderful.  I can't remember thinking of George and Clayton while I was pregnant at all.  I had what I had always wanted and I was going to hold on with both hands.

Have you ever been where I was there?  I believed God existed.  I always have.  I didn't talk to him except to say grace with Hannah; I quickly thanked him for the good things in my life, and prayed really hard for the bad until the crisis had passed--then back to saying grace and quick thanks.  My hope was not in him.  I knew that I was missing something, but I wasn't sure what it was.  Then, I was so happy with what I could physically touch around me, my family, my home, my growing child; it was easy to ignore that little knock at the door of my heart.  He was saying:  you are my child, my daughter.  I need more from you than just believing I'm here.  Come sit, and talk with me.

I would eventually have that talk with my God, but not then.  I wish I had.  Maybe I wouldn't have had such a long way to go to understand faith.  If you haven't talked with him in a while, do.  Pick up your bible.  Pray.  Pour your heart out, your fears, your hopes, sing praise, not quick thanks, and then listen.  Be still and know He is God!