So far, so good

It's been 2 weeks since Jeff left.  Overall, I have to just praise God.  The girls have been handling it well, all things considered.  I have done well.  Only in my head, when I think of it all, do I feel tired.

A few things I've learned so far:

• ~God is so very good.  As hard as this time is for me, I have felt his presence.  Even more, I have felt his guidance.  I am certain that He is moving me exactly where He wants me to be.
• ~Sometimes, it's just easier to do things myself.  We all love and appreciate our husbands, but honestly, knowing I can't expect him to do anything around here is almost easier than being irritated because he doesn't do it my way or in my time (there's probably a greater lesson there, but that's all I have to say about if for now :). 
• ~I'm stronger than I think I am.  I always secretly wonder if I could really do what I do if I didn't have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom, and if I didn't have a supportive husband.  I think the answer is definitely NO.  I couldn't.  But, I think I would still make choices I am proud of.  It's only been two weeks, but in my life, that's a very long time and I'm doing better than I thought I would.
• ~I'm tired.  This is really, really physically very hard. 
• ~I miss my husband.  I've spent the last 18 years with the same man; the last 12 we have raised disabled children together.  I have always had a little pocket of fear in my heart about my marriage.  I've wondered if we didn't need each other so much, would we still be together?  Would we work out all of those difficult times and frustrating moments when we wonder if we even like each other, much less want to be married?  It is a joy to know in my soul that I choose him.  It is a wonderful opportunity to discover that I don't need him in the way I thought I did, but that I want him.
• ~I have a long way to go.  Each day is filled to the brim with challenge and opportunity for all of us. 
• ~Emily's new service dog snores.
• ~Transformation is inevitable.  One day, if the good lords willing and the creek don't rise, I will look back at me here, a baby in this journey.  I wonder what I will see, where God will bring me. 

It is exhausting to be here, I think that at least for tonight, peach pie ice cream is the answer.  I'll try it and see how it works out.  Maybe it will make the next "things I've learned" list.