~40~

It's finally here. I'm forty. I'm not sure where I thought I'd be at 40, but I'm sure it's not here. Not here. Every day, the same here.

I'm trying to not feel a little depressed about being half way through my life having so few answers. So, I'll focus on what I know now that surprises me about myself.

~ I love sushi! It's so yummy. I hated fish well into my 20s, so the fact that I'll happily eat it raw now astounds me. I'm so glad I figured that out.




My birthday dinner :)

~ I'm much stronger than I thought I could be. Growing up, I wanted one thing--normal. I wanted to blend in. Nothing flashy or extraordinary, I wanted what I thought everyone else had. We definitely do not blend in, and our life is so intense. God has supplied what I did/do not have. Miraculously, every day I am able to get out of bed and do what needs to be done.

~ I am so much weaker than I thought I would be. I wish I could say each day was met with grace and courage. That's who I want to be. Most days I don't want to do this. Most days I'm tired and wish I could know my girls without disabilities. Most days I wish I could accept what is without so much wishing.

~ I have an amazing support system. Family and friends have carried the girls and I through it all. Knowing they are with us makes each day a little easier.

~ I can almost always run at least a mile. I like that.

~ marriage is a good thing. I was barely 20 when I met my husband- absolutely unprepared for life at all, much less the life we have. We've worked hard at it and hung in there together. I never want to think of life without him <3

~ I stop for turtles. It bothers me to see them slowly cross a road. If at all possible, I stop and move them to the other side.

~ I always root for the underdog. Always.

~ I don't like to talk to anyone in the morning before I've had coffee. I need time to wake up. :/. That's being nice, I'm a little mean before my coffee.

~ I grew up with my mom who brought us to a very charismatic church each week. It scared me to death (sorry mom!). I never thought I'd go to church at all, much less write about relationship with God. I thought churches we're scary, crazy places. Having spent a lot of time in church now, I wasn't entire wrong. It is scary to go into a new place, but if they're crazy, I guess I fit right in. My church brought so much support and laughter to my life. My faith brings peace and comfort that I couldn't have understood. Even through my fears of religion, my love for Jesus, and His for me have been my lifeline.

~ I love writing this blog-- and appreciate each of you for taking this journey with me.

40! Maybe it will be fabulous?

--Abby update soon!

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