Emily is doing better at home. Hannah is taking care of her most of the time. While this is not an ideal situation, she's doing a really good job. She's stepping up where I need her to, and Emily is slowly recovering. Hopefully, she'll be well enough to start school in a few weeks.
Abby struggles every day with her feedings. She is off of antibiotics now, but she continues to have tummy troubles that we had hoped were related to her being on them. Today, they put the same g-j tube in Abby as Emily has. We don't know if it will help or not, but the hope is that cutting out that much of digestion will make it easier for her. The danger is that formula that doesn't move through can swell up in the intestines, causing her tummy to distend and become uncomfortable. Her belly distends everyday anyway, so maybe we're not worse off. The doctors/pharmacist and I are trying to come up with a plan for her, but it's been difficult because she's so complicated.
Our plan (that changes constantly) is to move very soon. As soon as the house in Greensboro is in place, we will move the kids. We'll come back for Abby, and if her rate is good enough, we'll try to take her to our new home. If not, we'll take her straight to the hospital in NC. We know she'll be stable enough to make the trip, it's just that she'll probably need more fluids and calories than she can take in herself.
To say that none of this is discouraging, would be a lie. I am heartbroken. I am so sad for my sweet daughters--all of them. I'm so sad that we can't leave this place I've come to love with joy as we look to the next phase of life. I can't stand that I can't spend time with my friends and people I love before we leave.
I had envisioned "last times" to my favorite Sushi place with my girlfriends. Last Sunday at church. A time to say see ya to friends and neighbors. I have changed and grown so much under the influence of the amazing people I've come to know here. I don't understand why the Lord has allowed so much difficulty in our lives here at the end of this particular road.
It's easy to feel discouraged; even unloved. Tomorrow marks Abby's fourth week here. Since January, Emily and Abby have spent a combined total of 89 days in the hospital. I can't imagine that anyone wouldn't feel discouraged. Abby has been on TPN for almost 6 months. We thought she would be in liver failure if she was on it that long, but she' not. Her liver function is actually pretty good (PRAISE!!). But she is no closer to being well than she was so many months ago. We all recognize that she can't go on like this forever.
I know I have so many things to be thankful for, but I struggle to combine the hurt, confusion, and exhaustion with the gratefulness for how God is working in it all. I will never be happy that we are leaving Florida this way, or that Abby is so sick. I'm not thankful that I'm worried we are getting a bigger house than we need because Abby might not be with us in a year. This is hard stuff. But I have to believe that every second I'm in, His grace is enough. If I can't say good-bye to the people I love here, or if the time comes to say good-bye to my daughter, I'm trusting that His grace will be enough for me then.
I love all the verses you guys sent me! I put them on the cabinet so that they are the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning.
So if your wondering how to pray--
~ Please pray for discernment for Jeff as he chooses our house tomorrow--we've narrowed down the top 3.
~ Pray that Abby would tolerate her feedings and just generally look better than she does.
~ Pray that God protects her and Em during this move from any further illness.
~ Above all, please pray that His will be done for our family.
~Pray for grace, grace, grace---pray that I would know that His grace is enough for me, when every thing else seems to be far to less than I'd hoped.
Thank you for walking this road with me, it helps so much to not be alone.
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