Endoscopy results

Well the good news is that the Endoscopy tube isn't that long.  I think that's all that kept us from finding more wrong with poor Abby.

Her esophagus was very inflamed with several small sores on it from the inflammation process.  She has a big ol' hiatal hernia, obvious reflux (the muscle that should close to keep food in was completely open), and gastritis.  The stomach and intestines were very red and inflamed with more sores. 

No wonder the precious girl has been in so much pain.  They still think the virus just wreaked havoc on her little system with the hernia and reflux being underlying and complicating issues.  She probably has a second hernia, but they still have to get a good look at that. 

So now what?  I was almost afraid to ask that question today.  I should have been. 

Her belly needs time to rest and heal.  She was started on a new medicine to help her heal and control the stomach acid better.  They don't want to do an NG tube and further irritate the stomach, so that's out.  It's been 8 days since she's eaten more than a bite of food so we have to do something. 

That something is a PICC line being inserted tomorrow and TPN started. 

TPN is IV nutrition.  The PICC line is because a big vessel is needed for the TPN.  They will keep it going for a few days and see if her tummy gets well enough to tolerate food and meds.  Who knows how long we will be in the hospital now.  It will be several days if everything goes perfectly before we even attempt to feed her again.  It feels like a huge, very necessary step backwards.  I know this is what we need to do to get Abby well, but I don't like it.

She's lost 4 pounds in eight days.  I am grieving the loss of those pounds.  Every single ounce on Emily and Abby are hard won.  I wish I knew how many pounds of food has been fed to them for every pound they get to keep.  A spoon has been lifted to her mouth thousands of times to get those 62 pounds she had on her.  Now 58.  It won't be a typical "she'll eat when she's ready". It will take months to make this up.  When it happened to Emily, she never did.  She eventually gained the pounds back, but she's stayed littler than Abby and definitely smaller than she was.  She was always my big eater, after the flu 7 years ago, that title went to Abby. 

I know there are many, many things to be thankful for in this, but tonight I am tired.  I have a sick child at home, a child in the hospital and a husband who absolutely had to go to NC today.  If ever I needed two of me, it's now.  I do appreciate having so many others to help stand in the gap, I just wish the gap wasn't so wide.

Emily is doing better, not too much of a temp and eating and drinking enough to make it through.  I think that is how stomach flu is supposed to be.  A little scary, a lot of work, but not weeks of difficult recovery.

I'm leaving Abby here at the hospital for the first time ever over night.  She's become kind of comfortable with being here and with the nurses.  Her nurse tonight has had her before and knows what to do for her.  I am praying, praying, praying she does well.  I just think Emily needs me more tonight.  I'll be back before she wakes up.  It's a very strange and terrifying feeling [leaving her].  I feel like a bad mama leaving my sick girl, but my other sick girl needs me too. 

So as you can probably tell, I'm overwhelmed and still processing it all.  I feel the prayers of His people and experience (miraculously) peace when I deeply desire to freak out! 

Isn't it wonderful that tomorrow we have the opportunity to wake up and start a new day with all of the potential of an infinite God to be different than today?

Answer me, LORD, out of the goodness of your love; in your great mercy turn to me.   Psalm 69:16