Dwelling Place

"There is a river whose steams make glad the city of God, the Holy place where the most High dwells"  Psalm 46:4 (NIV)

I was enthralled by this verse from my bible reading on January 31.  I wrote in my journal that day:
"The Holy Spirit dwells in me like a peaceful, nourishing stream.  I should strive to be that Holy place for the God most high so that river would run through every part of me or situation I'm in. That is how there is joy in every circumstance."

I think David was speaking much more literally about the city of God, but aren't we supposed to be the living, breathing, moving, dwelling place of God?  There is a river whose steams make glad the city of God.

Nothing says that this river flows when times are easy or things are going right.  As a matter of fact the verses before that one speak of  destruction as a picture is formed of mountains falling into the sea and oceans roaring.  But there is a river whose streams make glad the city of God. 

I'll admit right now, I've never been a real "psalmy" girl.  They just haven't spoken to me the way they seem to speak to others, although I've wanted them to. 

Years ago, when Emily and Abby had a horrible muscle lengthening surgery and I was going nuts (literally) from not sleeping, my friend insisted that I open my bible.  She knew I needed to let God teach me during that difficult time.  As soon as the words were out of her mouth Hebrews jumped into my head.  Over and over as we spoke Hebrews flew around my brain.  As I hung up the phone with my friend, I decided to have a little chat with the Lord.  Feel free to insert an image in your head of buckets of tears surrounding a crazy woman parked, but still sitting in her car, speaking a little loudly toward the roof.

HEBREWS!!!!  REALLY?  AFTER NOT SLEEPING FOR 22 DAYS, YOU WANT ME TO READ HEBREWS?????  I AT LEAST DESERVE A NICE LITTLE SING-SONGY-PSALM FOR ALL MY TROUBLE!  etc...

This argument was met by the silence of a very patient Father.  I opened my bible to Hebrews that day and was blessed beyond measure by the goodness of the word of God. 

This time around, it was this wonderful Psalm that so spoke truth into my life. 

I am tired and overwhelmed.  I am everything any human would be in this situation.  Abby is walking a very fine line between staying home and going back to the hospital.  Her care is beyond anything I've ever been responsible for before.  Her nausea is constant.  My confidence in knowing what she needs is situational at best.  The constancy of her medical care is mind-boggling.  Yet, there is a river whose steams make glad the city of God, the Holy place where the most High dwells. 

For me, that is how the Lord eases my burden.  That is how He, whose load is light while mine is heavy, helps me to find peace and rest here in this place of unrest.  His words of comfort flow like that river.  This world will surely fall away, but that city where the most High dwells will endure. 

Sometimes, as I write I wonder if I'm telling the whole truth.  Everything I've said is what sustains me daily.  It is the rock that I stand on, and the soft spot that I land on --wow!  Look at me getting more Psalmy by the minute!  But, there are also moments of everyday when I feel like crying because it's so hard.  There is simply no time for tears.  There have been times when I've wondered if we should have left the hospital.  There are even brief moments when I feel completely alone with a very sick child in a giant world.

That's when those words fill me and replace all of those very "normal" things that I'm feeling.  It's not what I prayed it would be, but God does have a plan.  It's not perfect and I am far from even being good at walking this road of faith, but I guess the point is that God is faithful when I don't know how to be.  His Holy Word and His truth fill in all of the gaps in my own abilities leaving me wanting only for our home, my daughter, and myself to be a place where the most High dwells.