Emily just had her 15 year check up. How is that possible? She finally made it on the growth chart for height at 60" tall (her 6'5" daddy genes helped there, I'm sure). She's also a giant 66 pounds. If she didn't have CP, she would be getting her learners permit! From 7-12 years old, she had a power chair that she drove with her head...until she crashed it through the TV. :). That's the only reason I'm not super upset about the driving thing. She's a little reckless.
Anyway, all this growing has me thinking of when the kids were little. There were many, many years, that Jeff and I didn't have any help. It's extremely difficult to find someone to care for two kids with CP.
That was a situation that wasn't going to change, so we had to find ways to care for our marriage and each other when circumstances weren't going to help us out.
Here are some of the things we did:
1. Adults only dinners. As often as possible, or at least once every other week, I fed the kids a quick, easy dinner and got the girls to bed early. This was actually hardest with Hannah because she was older and wanted to stay up. She just had to stay in her room during "date night". I made a special dinner, and sat at home on a date with my hubs.
2. Movie night. Same principle as above, without the kitchen cleanup. We snacked on Chilli's take out nachos, banned the kids from the living room. The ONLY reason to bother us was fire. If nothing is on fire, stay in bed.
3. Every now and then, Jeff and I got hooked on the same TV series. That sounds like a little thing, but when your kids could easily swallow you whole, an hour of unplanned time on the couch with my guy was a blessing. Hold hands!
4. Crossword puzzles. This is silly, but I loved just laying on the bed while the kids played, doing a crossword puzzle together. We're both goofy, so we laughed a lot.
5. Prayer, devotions, or going over Sunday sermons. This one is my favorite, and I wish I could say we did this daily, but we didn't. We seemed to find time in the morning going over what we each were learning, or thinking about. We said quick prayers for each other after kids went to school and before Jeff left for work. I wish I took the time to be more structured with this. Some of the 10 minute conversations we had on those mornings are the ones I remember most.
6. We lived in Florida for 10 years, so late night swims come to mind. Swimming in our pool without kids and dogs splashing our faces was relaxing. This one is my least favorite, because of pool chlorine and having to dry off, blah, blah, blah. It was important because Jeff liked it, and there are always a million excuses not to do something. Once in a while, I can actually stop being a baby :)
7. Trade time. We tried really hard to watch the kids for each other so we could leave the house some. Once a year, Jeff kept the girls for my women's retreat at church, and I kept them for his baseball trip. It's a huge amount of work to take care of them alone, so it was a gift. We also tried to say yes, when possible, to little things throughout the year. That's only possible if you're flexible. I might have said "sure" to a concert for Jeff, but had sick kids when it came. We each had to be willing to change our plans for the kids.
8. Recognize when we're about to lose it. Over the years, we learned the cues that we were going to blow a gasket if we stayed in that house one more second. Many times, I told Jeff to go to a movie, or he would take the girls to walk around the mall and leave me alone for a while. Even though we weren't together, this was still marriage care.
9. Recognize that there are seasons. The last 3 years, we spent copious amounts of time in the hospital with sick little ones. There were no movies, TV shows, or crossword puzzles. We were worried, scared and hurting. On days like that, we held hands. We held our child. We took a walk OUTSIDE of the hospital room. We had a quick meal in the cafeteria together if we could. We prayed, talked, cried, and made decisions. We forgave each other quickly, and often. We held on.
10. Take the help! For goodness sakes, if some precious soul offers to take your children for a few hours...give them away! I adore my girls, but my husband is important too. When we had help we took it. Jeff's parents kept our kids often when they were in town. When we had a good helper, we went out and did things together. Many times it wasn't possible, but if it was...I was outa there. I am a better wife and mom when I have a little time away :)
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