Smile

I think I wasn't clear in my last post about not doing well. I only meant that I dreaded facing Abby in pain each day, not necessarily the day itself. I wanted to say that instead of feeling peaceful and grace-filled, I've been snappy and a little mean. I think it's normal for what we're dealing with, but I want to honor God and my daughter in each day, even if it's not an easy one. I haven't been doing either well.

I'm upset that Abby has had so much pain. We found out yesterday that the nerve block isn't likely to help, so that is probably out. That was a huge disappointment. We are beginning to run out of options.

This situation is hard because we remember Abby before she got sick. That's not easy, but heartbreaking is that she remembers. She still wants to do the things she did before and can't. I'm trying so hard not to miss her while she's still here. She misses how she was, and even though I don't want to, so do I.

Abby is in less pain. I would say about 85% of the time, she's comfortable now. Unfortunately, she is tired and dozing on and off when she isn't in pain. The amount of meds she needs to relieve the pain makes her exhausted. We knew that this would likely happen, but again, disappointing.

Last night, after Abby fell asleep, I took Sarah to see Brave. I haven't left Abby much in the last month (if you saw my hair, you'd know how true that is!), so leaving last night was hard. I know Sarah needed to get out for a bit, but I was afraid to leave Abby. When we were on our way home, I had a knot in my stomach. I realized that one day I will come home and she won't be here. There will be a day when I have to walk back into this house without my daughter.

But not this day. This day, she is here and I have morning meds to do. I have prayer time that I am trying to gear towards gracefulness. There is so much to be thankful for. Abby's strength and spirit continues to amaze me. Jeff and I are so proud of her. She has fought harder than anyone I'll ever meet, and even as she is in pain, she smiles every single day. I don't think she will ever lose that sweet smile. Thank you God for that.

Smile at someone today for Abby.





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