Letting go

Abby continues to show signs that her body is shutting down. Her kidneys aren't functioning as well. She is having a lot of trouble with fluid in her feet and she wakes up very congested.

We are at the point where fluids aren't actually helping her and are probably making her worse. Continuing IV fluids will just make her passing less comfortable. We have held on as long we could, but now her body is telling us all that it's time.

My consistent prayer through this entire illness was that God would take this decision from our hands. I don't want His job. Life is His to give and take away. What's happening now is our answer. She is continuing to decline no matter what we do. I know that the best thing we can do is let her go gently and peacefully.

Today, I was very, very sad because I will miss her so much. But I also felt very, very peaceful.

There are so many things to do each day, so many emotions coursing through me. I've often wondered where God is in all that business. Those things have to be done. They are the things in my life that make me feel like I have some measure of control over this.

I can (and do) run around like crazy, make choices every day, work hard, and move through many situations myself. I can handle just about anything. But no matter how hard I work or how successful I think I am, I can not have peace in any of those things without God. He is the giver of peace, and I have that about Abby.

She is an amazing little girl. I am so very thankful she's mine.

I read this today, and really loved it:

Giving Up and Letting Go
Giving up implies a struggle--
Letting go implies a partnership
Giving up dreads the future--
Letting go looks forward to the future
Giving up lives out of fear--
Letting go lives out of grace and trust
Giving up is a defeat--
Letting go is a victory
Giving up is unwillingly yielding control to forces beyond myself--
Letting go is choosing to yield to forces beyond myself
Giving up believes that God is to be feared--
Letting go trusts in God to care for me.
~Hank Dunn


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